The Jar

This time of year always stirs up feelings of nostalgia and sentiment. Try as I may to re-create the moments that were, that are now only fond memories, it is an effort that generally proves to be impossible. I can choose the same decorations in the same places, the same tasty treats served on the same special dishes, light the candles, pipe the music, and wear the clothes, go to the special events, mail the cards, exchange greetings with strangers, and when all is said and done, it still just isn't the same. The same people are no longer the same. They look different, they are grown up, they are older, there are new additions, and some are missing.
I have a jar filled with unpopped pop corn kernels, beads, pearls, buttons, marbles, and even tiny rocks, each representing one thing that we have been thankful for. Each Thanksgiving for about 20 years, every person at the Thanksgiving table received 3 items dropped one by one into the jar as they said what they were thankful for that year. We were privileged to have friends join us, there seemed to always be someone who would be alone if not a part of our family"s gathering, or maybe it was just an especially close "buddy" of one of the boys joining us, and then later for round 2 at his house, and of course the girlfriends! Some years we all met in North Carolina at Grandpa and Grandmas house. From the south and from the north, we all converged in a flurry of excitement upon arrival, cousins, aunts, uncles, parents and grandparents with all their antics and activities, culminating into good times, wonderful memories, and too soon, tearful departures. The moments of togetherness were rare and precious. The jar was there with us, prodding us to stop long enough to think about and mention what was important. One year we enjoyed Thanksgiving dinner outside on the giant picnic table, joined by friends. That's the year we used the pea rocks under foot to represent our 3 things to give thanks for. Last year our number was small as now holidays have to be divided between two or even more families, so we had our together time for those who remained, at my sons house. He did all the shopping, and cooking, which was a special treat for me!
We have been thankful for Jesus, jobs, possessions, healthy able bodies, home, food, and always everyone has been thankful for each other, family and friends.
The jar and the activity it required us to participate in, made us say what we wouldn't normally put into words. It prompted the baring of innermost thoughts and feelings of gratefulness. We are better now for having done that then. Now being thoughtful and caring is not so difficult to do, we practiced.
That jar seemed so "empty" for the first few years, it's not a big jar, and even with 3 items each there was far more space unfilled than filled, but it grew, and now it is full to the top! I could transfer it all to a bigger jar, I could start a new jar, or I can start a new tradition. I like the idea of a new tradition, after all, nothing stays the same, it can only be re-created to mimic yesterday. Yesterday's Thanksgiving's were good, and the memories are savored often, but today is new, and we are a bigger family with new members who bring with them their own experiences that add flavor to our traditions.
That little jar of "seeds" first planted years ago, grew and developed into a family tradition providing memories to harvest for all the Thanksgivings that are ahead. It's once vibrant red cap is faded dull now, but it never was about the jar, the container, it was and has always been about what's inside, specifically, what was represented by what's inside that mattered. When I look back in my minds eye there are a lot of little boys, and a little girl, who were thankful for bikes, skateboards, go-peds, or other things that may have seemed frivolous or silly at the time, and who timidly admitted their thankfulness for each other and the lives we had then. I see how that simple activity was a stubborn, persistent seed that has become an admirable characteristic in who they have become as adults.
As another season approaches we will begin it with a new Thanksgiving tradition. My family doesn't know it yet, but my request will be for everyone to think of one word or phrase for each family member that we think describes them, or of some act of kindness or sacrifice we are thankful they did. It's good to know we are loved, and appreciated, and what others find lovable about us. It's affirming in a world that daily beats up and tears down! Now we are ready for just such a tradition because now we are grown from strong healthy seeds. For these things, and many many more, I am so very thankful! No jar of any size could hold all the things I'm thankful for, but the one I have is a sweet reminder of a few of them, and it reminds me always, to count my blessings!
Happy Thanksgiving!

So often life is not what was expected! There are preconceived notions of how things will be, based on how things have been. A perfect example of this is Halloween, it sure has changed! I remember large brown paper grocery bags that seemed nearly full of candy corn, malted milk balls, peanut butter taffy, smarties, dum dums, slo pokes, milk duds and root beer barrels, pixie stix, baby ruths, clarks krackles and mr goodbars. I was particularly fond of the paper strips with candy "dots" stuck on them, we pretended they were pills when we played doctor. There were red wax lips, and wax "pop bottles" filled with colored liquid sugar! And, my personal favorite, candy cigarettes. They didn't taste good, but we could pretend to be like the grownups. Occasionally there were bubble gum cigarettes, gum balls, and another favorite, bazooka with a comic! Some "rich" people gave whole Hershey bars, or paper bags full of treats, or better still, a box of cracker jack! The prizes then were so much better, whistles, rings, plastic charms, tiny trolls, baby dolls, or games. There was always someone who made popcorn balls to pass out, and sometimes a caramel apple. Those were the days when the majority of people expected others to do the right thing, and they did. When parents could let their children walk their own neighborhood, even in the dark without fear of abduction, and when eating the candy along the way, before parents "checked" it was part of the fun, homemade treats or apples were just that, not a way to deceive and harm. We said "trick or treat", and "thank you". When we got home, all of us dumped out our bags in piles on the floor, categorizing our loot. Trades were discussed and agreed to. Our school lunch boxes contained Halloween candies until at least Thanksgiving! We made our costumes, we were cowboys, indians, hobos, hillbillies, robots or pretty ladies. Life for us as children was simple, predictable, Our world was built on a foundation of truth, morals, hard work, and respect. Those qualities allowed us to experience freedom and security, we laughed, and appreciated small things. When my kids were little I or an older sibling always accompanied the younger "trick or treaters" of the family, the tradition had changed, but lived on. For the last couple years in our neighborhood there hasn't been any costumed callers on Halloween night. In the neighborhood where my son lives however, the tradition is still strong. He is a new dad, and looks forward to all the firsts he and his wife will experience with their son, which is at least partly responsible for the fabulous idea he had for this Halloween,. When the masked ones came knocking, he offered them a beautiful assortment of vegetables to choose from! The responses he got from the surprised kids, and their parents nearby, was priceless! Of course, after he offered the veggies there was the treat they'd come for, so all ended well, but even better than well. He gave away laughter and smiles and stories to talk about, fun was passed all around, memories were made. With that act of humorous creativity, he brought back the simple freedom to be silly. He put the trick in trick or treat. Time has changed things, and things continually re-invent. Laughing and enjoying the moment remains the responsibility of each of us. It's like your momma always told you, "eat your vegetables, they're good for you". She was really saying, Life isn't always what you wish, or think, or hope, but that doesn't mean it isn't good, or can't be good. Life is what you make it! What a treat to watch my son spread joy with a simple trick! Happy Halloween!