Once upon a time, in a gingerbread house, lived a little girl with golden locks, and so she was named. She had a brother who was once a wooden boy, his name was Pino-grigio. They had 3 neighbors, one lived in a straw house, one in a wood house and one in a brick house, combined with their own gingerbread house, it made for a very integrated neighborhood!
Pino-grigio was a mischievous lad, once he stuck his thumb in Mama Bear's plum pie and then claimed he was a good boy, and when Mama Bear wasn't looking he'd be nimble and quick to jump over her candlesticks! Mama Bear didn't find his antics very amusing, so all he got for supper was 9 day old pease porridge, while Golden locks porridge was just right.
One day the two of them, Golden locks and Pino-grigio, started out on their bikes to Grandmothers house stopping to pick up Little Red while riding through the hood. The children decided to leave their bikes at Little Red's and walk the rest of the way to Grandmother's. They left a trail of crumbs to mark the path for their easy return, but we all know there is no such thing as an easy return in a fairy tale!
Deeper into the woods they went, passing Pete the rabbit with a cottonball tail, and a parade of children following a guy with a pipe. There were 3 pigs, a sleepy dwarf, and a grumpy dwarf who huffed and puffed at them as they walked a little too close to his daisies, and there was a bridge that had a troll underneath threatening to do them in. They even saw Georgie, they'd never met him but knew it was him by all the girls crying nearby, and the scent of puddin' in pie. There was the tiniest girl they'd ever seen living in a thimble, and blackbirds, lots of blackbirds. It was always such an adventure going to Grandma's house!
It was lunch time but none of them had packed a lunch, fortunately as luck would have it they came upon a giant beanstalk laden with big beautiful beans, the children loved their vegetables, beans being a favorite they exclaimed "fe fi fo fum beans beans yum yum"! As they picnicked under a tree by a tuffet Little Miss (she was quite a dish!) joined them for lunch, which was a nice surprise since they didn't even know she lived around there. Along came a spider and they all got up and ran away with the spoons, they always had spoons with them because Mama Bear always told them "you never know when a good spoon will come in handy", and she also always said "now don't you go giving your mittens to kittens, you know how the Snow Queen loves blowing in a surprise nor'easter!" Mama Bear was always prepared! She carried a great big satchel with paper and pencils, tissues, lemon drops, lip balm, a sweater, of course a spoon, and in case any of us got thirsty she brought along the kitchen sink!
When they finally arrived at Grandmother's house, the kids were a little surprised to see what big eyes she had! She told them it was because she had become worried they were "detained" by the wolf that was big and bad. She was relieved to see they were okay!
After a long days journey with lots of adventure it was supper time. Grandma dished up some curds and whey, and for desert some big juicy apples. Supper at Grandma's was always so special. When they finally finished eating their tummy's were full and their rumpty's large and humpty! They laid down, closed their eyes, and fell fast asleep.
At the stroke of midnight they awoke to find themselves in the midst of a pumpkin patch surrounded by mice. Nothing was familiar, where were they? What happened while they slept? They didn't even recognize each other, they were big, all grown up! They didn't know what to do, or who to go to for help sorting out this phenomena. As they looked around they saw a cottage in the clearing up ahead so they went there and found a kind old woman spinning wool on her wheel. She told them they were a mess and showed them to the powder room so they could clean up. The mirror mirror on the wall proved they were not fairest. After a bit of grooming they again went to the old woman asking her what they should do. She told them that at one time she had so many children that she too found herself in the predicament of not knowing what to do, and that in the end everything worked out just fine. She was able to finally move out of that old shoe she lived in to this nice comfortable furnished cottage, complete with even the dishes that she affectionately calls by names, like her "Mrs. Teapots" and the cups "chipped" and "cracked", she doesn't mind the imperfections on them because they remind her of the good times when all the kids were home back in the old shoe. She thought perhaps they could be better helped by the fairy godmother and gave them explicit directions how to find her, "be very certain you take the right side of the fork in the road", for if they did not they would find themselves in the land of the wicked witch, and there is only one way to be released from her cold bony grip. Many the lass asleep under her spells, and the lads turned to toads.
They left the old woman and began the trek to the fork. When they arrived Golden locks started on the fork to the right, while Pino-grigio started left, Golden cried out "no Pino", I distinctly recall the old woman's instructions were to go right, but Pino-grigio was insistent she said left. Sadly, it was there that they parted ways.
Many years have passed since that day at the fork in the road. Golden locks found her prince charming at a ball his mother arranged for him. She wore a beautiful gown, and a tiara of diamonds, and danced until midnight in glass slippers. She had vowed never to be out past midnight ever since that fateful day at Grandma's house when she was a child, and hastily left the ball as the clock's strikes counted down. In her haste she ran right out of her shoes leaving them behind. Prince charming ran after her only to find broken glass where she had been just moments before. He knelt down and cut his finger trying to pick up the glass and had to be rushed to the emergency room for 347 stitches. They never saw each other again. It's okay though because along the way she met a toad and a beast, and even though it turned out they really were a toad and a beast, there are the children they had that fill her life with joy. Golden locks still hopes that one day Prince Charming will start a facebook account and she'll find him there, until then, she just pecks away at her keyboard making blog entries and checking for him on facebook.
Little Red missed the hood so much she started a 12 step program for displaced make believe characters addicted to yesterday's fiction. She never eats apples anymore.
Pino-grigio wound up in California working at a vineyard. He has since branched out on his own and is said to have a very successful plum pie business, he tests each of them himself before shipping them out to vendors by sticking his thumb in them, a method he knows to be tried and true.
Grandmother took a few college classes and got her pilots license. She flies around the country visiting the grand kids and the great grand kids. When the kids left her house that night without so much as a goodbye and didn't keep in touch 'till a long time later she decided she would never let so much time go by between visits again! Grandma's a firecracker!
Turns out the old woman in the cottage only made up all that stuff about the fork in the road and the wicked witch and the fairy godmother, she was just a hoot with a crazy sense of humor. She knew they'd find their way, they just needed to step out and start! She had raised all those kids in that old shoe after all.
She figured it out, and so would they!
And they all lived crazy, goofed up, unpredictable lives, but mostly happily ever after.
Oh yeah, and Mama Bear got married to a guy named Bradley. She met him as he was passing through town and stopped in to her shop where she sells sea shells, he had 3 boys of his own and that's the way they all became the Bradley bunch!The moral of the story:
Blackbirds eat crumbs.
P.J.
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